I did not mean to abandon my blog, so I am very sorry. I do not even know how many loyal readers I had, if any. But even if there is just one, I am very sorry.
I have been trying to overcome some issues here. I was having three days a month where I could not physically stop crying. No, I did not feel depressed. Actually, quite the opposite. I was very happy. I have a very nice life. However, every month, about a week or so before my period (sorry guys if you can't handle, as I have said before...Click Off), I would just have uncontrollable tears pouring out. My therapist strongly and repeatedly suggested going on anti-depressants. I insisted that I was not depressed and she kept telling me I was. Okay, so I went to my medical Dr. who put me on Lexapro. This worked for a while and I actually felt pretty good. Then it stopped working and they added Wellnbutrin to the mix and then things went horribly wrong. Took out the Wellbutrin and I had about three months of terrible withdrawal that all the Dr.s said was not possible, although my aunt and my cousin had strangely similar experiences which I did not discover until later. Also, I had read similar accounts on askapatient.com.
Anyway, fast-forward several months and a couple of tries with drugs like Lamictal and Pexeva and now I feel like my life has been shattered. Now I AM depressed. But it is chemically induced depression. These drugs are evil. I want my three days of suffering bck! Three days a month as oppposed to evry single waking and sleeping moment! What do I do now? Now I am being weened off of all the drugs per my request but I am experiencing horrible side effects. Mostly dizziness, sweating, weakness, lack of focus, brain fog. I cannot stay on task or remain focused on anything. I am barely functionable. I just want this to end. I want my life back.
Just for the record, I am not suicidal. I could never abandon my children or my husband like that. But I do not have any will to live. I just don't care. Well, I do care, intellectually. It is just that I am emotionally drained.
I am sorry to blog about such a mess, but I am trying to reclaim my wonderful life back. I am so lost. I just keep telling myself that this will pass and I will get my three glorious days of misery back.
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3 comments:
I am sorry you are having such a hard time with your emotions -- from family experience it seem to be hormonal - have you tried natural healing with herbs - do check it out as I am sure it will help. You have children and are very blessed. If you focus on your blessing, the rest will fall into place. Wishing you well - I know what you are going through is not easy - be strong.
Hi.. I hope you're feeling better now. Be strong and I'm sure you'll get through all this.
Smile... Everyday is a special day!
Hang in there!
Sounds like you have idiots for doctors.
I too have a good life, but know that PMS can really get in the way of that. Once those drugs get out of your system, you should be back to "normal".
I like your blog - I share your frustrations. To see the brighter side of everyday situations, you should visit my blog: lifemakesmelaugh.blogspot.com
I'm not a bowl full of sunshine all the time. It's not until a little time has passed that some things become funny. I can guarantee that you're not going to look back on this period in your life and laugh, but it could help you to look for those bright spots.
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